There's some excellent het romance that doesn't have this problem; the problem is finding it. This is one reason I took to hanging around the romance blogs -- I loves me some good het romance when I can find the stuff that's to my taste, but I am not willing to prove Sturgeon's Law in the process of finding it, because so much of the 90% actively annoys me rather than just boring me. Now I can find reviews that let me see if a book's likely to suck me in rather than meet the wall.

Milsf has gone the same way for me -- I'm no longer willing to read it unless it's an author I trust or comes recommended by someone I trust, because the stuff I don't like I *really* don't like, rather than just thinking "meh". I love Heinlein, but some of what came after him...