(hugs) Am glad. I spent much time drawing cards, writing long thoughtful and possibly-amusing letters (and Sherlock ficlets) and making sweets for the first time in my life -- and several people have been much pleased at this.
May have a less-sanguine view of the NHS than you do, but agree that they're competent in their own terms, well-meaning, and had not a clue what to do with me other than explain what I really needed to do was relax, stop thinking (and hide the thoughts I had that were wrong), and do what I was told. At which I go neurotic and twitchy, irritable, and lose the ability to eat, sleep, or find my way out of a wet paper bag.
Have been reading a very helpful book on _Aspies and Mental Illness_. One of the essays had a description of psychotic breakdown that looked very familiar to me. The whole book finally gave me a sense of relief about my self-diagnosis with AS (I'm working on getting a formal diagnosis) and belief that having AS and cerebral palsy are more integral to my nature than the type ii bipolar (although the AS leads to me being so bad at dealing with my bipolar episodes). If I'm *in* an episode the mood disorder is the only thing I and others can see, but every other day of my life I'm affected by being slightly disabled and socially-odd (and having been so bad at jobs I eventually gave up). One of the most distressing aspects of my incarceration was showing a draft of my autobiography to mental health professionals and their failure to see anything except compromised confidentiality. Nobody seemed willing to work with my intelligence and social awkwardness (or deal with me in any other way than telling me I needed to relax and keep taking mood stabilisers), so I was forced to the conclusion that I'd been mistaken because all these highly-qualified professionals didn't want to discuss AS, so all I could focus on was the spiralling tension and distress of the mood disorder.
The book suggests that because AS is a lifelong developmental/brain wiring difference, NHS professionals fully-prepared to handle errant brain chemistry in schizophrenia/mood disorders/etc may well not look out for it, or only be prepared for it in paediatics. This gave me some comfort that I don't have to define my life in a daily losing battle with bipolar disorder (daily writing 'not particularly anything' in a mood diary?) but can get back to the person I recognize as me, finding coping strategies for weak social/physical/organisational skills, and ways of using good verbal skills.
It's not that I'm not bipolar, it's that I'm largely *reactively* bipolar, either reacting to bad things happening or reacting to long periods of aloneness or only speaking to one person.
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Date: 2011-12-25 01:20 pm (UTC)May have a less-sanguine view of the NHS than you do, but agree that they're competent in their own terms, well-meaning, and had not a clue what to do with me other than explain what I really needed to do was relax, stop thinking (and hide the thoughts I had that were wrong), and do what I was told. At which I go neurotic and twitchy, irritable, and lose the ability to eat, sleep, or find my way out of a wet paper bag.
Have been reading a very helpful book on _Aspies and Mental Illness_. One of the essays had a description of psychotic breakdown that looked very familiar to me. The whole book finally gave me a sense of relief about my self-diagnosis with AS (I'm working on getting a formal diagnosis) and belief that having AS and cerebral palsy are more integral to my nature than the type ii bipolar (although the AS leads to me being so bad at dealing with my bipolar episodes). If I'm *in* an episode the mood disorder is the only thing I and others can see, but every other day of my life I'm affected by being slightly disabled and socially-odd (and having been so bad at jobs I eventually gave up). One of the most distressing aspects of my incarceration was showing a draft of my autobiography to mental health professionals and their failure to see anything except compromised confidentiality. Nobody seemed willing to work with my intelligence and social awkwardness (or deal with me in any other way than telling me I needed to relax and keep taking mood stabilisers), so I was forced to the conclusion that I'd been mistaken because all these highly-qualified professionals didn't want to discuss AS, so all I could focus on was the spiralling tension and distress of the mood disorder.
The book suggests that because AS is a lifelong developmental/brain wiring difference, NHS professionals fully-prepared to handle errant brain chemistry in schizophrenia/mood disorders/etc may well not look out for it, or only be prepared for it in paediatics. This gave me some comfort that I don't have to define my life in a daily losing battle with bipolar disorder (daily writing 'not particularly anything' in a mood diary?) but can get back to the person I recognize as me, finding coping strategies for weak social/physical/organisational skills, and ways of using good verbal skills.
It's not that I'm not bipolar, it's that I'm largely *reactively* bipolar, either reacting to bad things happening or reacting to long periods of aloneness or only speaking to one person.