Safe sex

[julesjones]

On having a bit of a catch-up on LJ after the enforced break, I find that someone on my flist has a good post about dangerous sex misinformation in fanfic. It applies to profic as well. (ETA: I didn't notice that the post was locked. My apologies to the poster for linking to a locked post [embarrassed], and the rest of you for mentioning something you can't see.)

Yes, it's fantasy, but it's still something a responsible author should think about. Of late I've been seeing a bit of the "but condoms just aren't sexy" excuse. To which I say, "try a bit harder". Yes, it's not always appropriate to the story. It may be set in a time period when no condom is realistic, or the characters may be the type not to use condoms even when it's a good idea. But if you think that it's just not sexy to mention condoms, remember that some of us are of an age and cultural background to find unprotected sex very unsexy indeed. Which can be part of the characterisation in itself, something I used in Lord and Master:



set up of excerpt at my website

Mark pushed his chair back and slid off to kneel on the floor. Steven reached into his pocket. Pulled out his wallet. Pulled out a condom.

Does he need them that often that he carries them around like that? “God, I hate the taste of those.”

Steven put one hand under his chin, forcing him to look up. “Don’t be stupid, child.” He didn’t look like he was going to budge.

“I’m hardly a child!” Yes, Steven was old enough to be his father, but he was twenty-five, more than old enough to make his own decisions. This wasn’t a good time for Steven to get nervous about the age gap.

“From my perspective you are. Listen. Your generation thinks of AIDS as one more scare story. Mine doesn’t. We didn’t grow up with it always there.”

A chill ran down the back of his neck. He’d had this before, the sudden realisation of a yawning chasm between himself and an older man. Someone talking about music, and him realising that the retro camp from before he was born was someone else’s top ten memory. On vinyl. A DVD of an ancient film that someone had seen on its first run in the cinema. But this was different. This mattered to Steven.

“It’s all right; I’m sensible. I just wish they’d make them taste better.”

Steven smiled a little. “At least the fancy flavoured ones taste better than they did when I was your age. Here.” He handed Mark the condom.

Excerpt continues at Loose Id website.

Comments

[growlycub.livejournal.com]

Hi Jules!

I was not allowed to see the Soshoni's posting. I assume it's flocked.

I've been reading a lot of romance and f/m erotica lately and it baffles me when condoms are made an integral part of the scene, but aren't in evidence when the female partner swallows... I mean, huh? If it's not safe to have semen up your vagina how would your mouth be safer with regard to STDs?

Interesting dichotomy, which indicates to me, that safe sex still (or maybe again?) is really only referring to the absence of pregnancy risk as opposed to prevention of STDs.

Not a good development as far as I'm concerned.

Growly

[dr-laura-v.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it's just because people don't know about the risks? Certainly when I was at school there was a lot of awareness of HIV/AIDs but although we were told about condom use during penetrative sex, and there was mention of the risk of sharing toothbrushes with other people, nothing was said about risks from oral sex. I suppose we perhaps could have deduced it from the toothbrush information, but I didn't make the connection.

Apparently the risk is somewhat lower than from unprotected vaginal or anal sex (http://cks.library.nhs.uk/patient_information_leaflet/oral_sex_looking_after_your_sexual_health_fpa/what_infections_can_be_passed_on_through_oral_sex).

[growlycub.livejournal.com]

Valid point. Where did you grow up? I grew up in Germany and we had a lot of info on HIV/AIDS in school. Exchange of any bodily fluids was what we were warned against.

Although I'm not sure how one would write a safe cunnilingus scene, since tongue and fluid definitely come into play there. I guess it's a bit of a double standard on my part. :)

Growly

[dr-laura-v.livejournal.com]

I grew up in the UK.

For the safe cunnilingus scene you'd need to incorporate the use of a dental dam (http://cks.library.nhs.uk/patient_information_leaflet/oral_sex_looking_after_your_sexual_health_fpa/what_is_a_dam).

[julesjones]

Plastic food wrap or dental dams is how one does cunnilingus (and rimming) safely.

The HIV risk for oral sex is much, *much* lower than for anal or vaginal sex, for both partners. You're not being a total idiot for failure to use condoms there, as long as the receiving partner doesn't have any open wounds in his/her mouth. (Really bad idea to suck someone straight after you've had dental work.) But of course HIV isn't the only risk, and it's actually a lot harder to catch than some of the other sexually transmitted diseases. I'm old enough to remember warnings about oral sex and herpes (and syphilis and gonorrhoea) back in the pre-HIV days when herpes was the new STD scare story.

[julesjones]

I think that a lot of it comes down to two common attitudes -- only dirty people and sluts catch STDs, and being prepared for the possibility of sex makes you a slut.

The classic "only gays get AIDS" is a specific example of the first, but even among people who realise that straight people get it as well, it's common to think that you can tell just by looking whether someone's healthy.

Put that together with the idea that oral doesn't really count as sex because it's not penis/vagina, and you'll get plenty of people who simply won't think to use a condom for oral.

[julesjones]

It's locked, which I didn't notice. Sorry about that. :-( I'm going to have to give in and start using my reading glasses at the computer, I think. I've just hit the age where I need them, but only sometimes.

[latetocomics.livejournal.com]

....ooooo, makes me want to re-read Lord & Master...maybe I should do that anyway, eh? I loved these guys.

[julesjones]

Go on, you know you want to. :-)