Navel-gazing on the Evil Ex in romance

[julesjones]

There's an interesting discussion at Smart Bitches Trashy Books about the way in which romance novels almost always show the hero's ex as an evil and/or crazy bitch. As Cat Marsters said, if she's that horrible, why did he get involved with her in the first place? Which set me to navel-gazing, because that's precisely why the Evil Ex in one of my books got a serious makeover.

Dolphin Dreams opens with Ye Hero badly traumatised by the recent bad break-up with his boyfriend. Bad as in discovering that Boyfriend is a married man and he's the bit on the side. Bad as in being told that as a submissive he shouldn't be worried about discovering he's lower in the pecking order. As I started writing the story, Evil Ex was a complete bastard. But three or four chapters in, I didn't find this convincing. My hero's a smart guy, solvent, good self-esteem. He doesn't have trouble finding boyfriends. He's a submissive in the bedroom, but that's because he likes to be submissive in the bedroom. He doesn't take any nonsense off people when he's running his business. Why would he have got involved with this dickhead in the first place?

There are a couple of potential answers to that. One is that the Evil Ex really is a self-centred bastard, but gives a good first impression. By the time his true qualities surface, Stockholm Syndrome has set in, and it takes the shock of discovering that he's married to break Hero loose.

The other is that Evil Ex really does have good qualities, but is behaving badly because of the circumstances he finds himself in. And that's the one I went with. The Hero has good reason to be angry and hurt, but that also means that at the start of the book he's seeing the ex in the worst possible light. As he starts to recover, partly because he's forming a new relationship, he's able to get some perspective. He stops blaming himself for getting involved with the ex in the first place. When the ex finally shows up in person, it isn't to provide the threat to the new relationship.

Obviously I'm biased. But I think that the book is better for it, that there is more depth to the storyline because I asked myself "Why the hell did he get involved with this guy in the first place?" Evil Ex is no longer a stock character, an excuse to get the ball rolling, but someone with a story of his own. Evil Exes can be very useful plot devices, but they need to be convincing as a potential partner, or the reader is going to start thinking the Hero(ine) is Too Stupid To Live for getting involved with them in the first place. And TSTL leads to the Eight Deadly Words -- "I don't _care_ *what* happens to these people!"

Comments

[hafren.livejournal.com]

going to start thinking the Hero(ine) is Too Stupid To Live for getting involved with them in the first place

This is often a problem for me in otherwise enjoyable films - eg Crocodile Dundee

[green-knight.livejournal.com]

I think the difference is that between fully fledged characters and cardboard cutouts. A character who 'only exists to provide x' spells trouble from the start; and misguided X who made the wrong choices and who might be even more determined to prove himself and win his partner back is a much more interesting character than evil X. The guy who's really honestly sorry and a good guy really provides much more conflict than the evil one.
I'm finding more and more that interesting stories happen when a character's choices _aren't_ obvious.

[kalypso-v.livejournal.com]

Also - I know some people react differently, but I've often noticed (in myself and others close to me) that the anger doesn't kick in for a year or so, until the memory of why one was involved with them in the first place has begun to be a bit less powerful.

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

I had an evil ex. Not that he was a mustached Snidely Whiplash, but over the time I was involved with him things gradually fell apart. And then he told me he was a vampire. No, really. It was extremely scary in a way that I have found it impossible to express in fiction. There I was in a car miles from home with a guy not in full possession of common reality. Plus all the little things like sleeping with him that took on a new light.

Fortunately I had passed on moving in with him. And his break with reality did not take a violent or controlling form with me.

[julesjones]

There are Evil Exes aplenty in real life, unfortunately. But the ones who show up in fiction are all too often made of plot devicium, instead of ones like yours who were plausible partners at the start of the relationship.

evil ex

[lisabea.livejournal.com]

I think I have the misfortune of actually being the evil ex. heh.


I have GOT to read Dolphin Dreams. It's on my list. I swear.

Re: evil ex

[julesjones]

Is that a confession you really want to make, after that thread at Smart Bitches? :-)

Oh, and I take it you're here via Teddy Pig's new comments toy? If so, you're the first to actually comment on my LJ.

evil ex

[lisabea.livejournal.com]

I did use that nifty thing over at Teddypig's. Righteous use of both his evil brain and mad internet skilz. My place is not so fancy. Altough I do have far more nekkid men lounging about.

Jules, I must admit to not going over to SBLTB in the past few weeks. Not since the entire 300+ comments per minute, or whatever, explosion. It's so crowded and everyone lately seems to be in a snit. I'm not a snit-ter. (Not a word, I know. But if it were, I wouldn't be one of those. Life's to short to have my knickers in a twist). I do so love them, though, and should take the time to visit.

I haven't set up my live journal. You are only the 4th person I've visited, but with a tag line like that, I couldn't help myself.

Re: evil ex

[julesjones]

Yes, I've seen the nekkid men at your place. :-)

It got a bit tetchy, but Candy and Sarah have been trying to post some light-hearted stuff as well, and the coverage of the plagiarism thing has pretty much died down.. It's probably worth a skim of the recent main posts to see if there's any conversation that catches your fancy. (But stay away form the one on ebook piracy, because that got cranky in places.)

Re: evil ex

[lisabea.livejournal.com]

Hm. Maybe Mr.Jones would like a little Man Love Monday???

Actually someone else told me about the piracy conversation and how that got tight. I tried to look, but 200 posts is too much. I have my hands full trying to do my own little baby projects. It's an interesting topic, to be sure, and the entire Napster situation revealed to the music industry that the life they knew,enjoyed, and made buckets of cash from was changing. I think the same can be said of the publishing industry. That was pro'lly covered in that festival of heated posting. IDK. It doesn't seem like a worth while effort for me to lock horns with some of those ladies. I'll stick to what I do best.

Bring on the mens.

Sadly I couldn't come up with a texas sex toy name, and I was just in texas 2 weeks ago. You'd think something clever would have come tumbling past my fingers, but no.